I've had a bit of a heavy heart lately. We've been so very blessed and lucky in our lives - I'm happier every day than I was the day before - but many of our friends have faced terrible struggles.
My very first Portland friend's husband is battling Stage 4 cancer. When I heard the news I wanted to cry, throw something, and throw up. I actually just sat silently. She is one of the bubbliest, most giving people I've ever met. While I don't know her husband as well, he seems to be solid as a rock and so incredibly real and relaxed. They have two awesome kids that are fun and funny. If there is ever a family that doesn't deserve this, it's them.
When I shared this terrible news with someone they responded with "makes you realized how lucky you are, right?" And while I understand the sentiment completely, I don't feel lucky. I feel devastated for my friend and her family who have to face this struggle. I feel absolutely terrified because if it can happen to them, it can happen to us too. On a positive side, I also feel even more motivated to appreciate all the good in my life, and to take care of my body. And even more positive, the guy fighting this cancer has the absolute best attitude about it. He vows to not let it get him, he will fight and win. I'm inspired by him and hope to high five him many years from now for a battle well-fought.
Another of my first Portland friends had a terrible tragedy with her husband's family. While she and her husband are very safe and healthy, it's rocked them quite a bit. And hearing her stories rocked me as well.Tragedy and loss can sneak up on you in very scary ways.
And then just last week a new-mom friend of mine shared the news that her cousin had birthed two twins but one baby didn't make it. Ugh. There is no way to comprehend that loss. I look at Ellis and silently say "I'm so glad you're here." I think of what it would mean if he weren't here and I nearly pass out.
I don't really know what my intention is in sharing this. I certainly don't want to bring you down! But there is a sense of unburdening, in letting it go by sharing. I try to appreciate my health, Bryan, and Ellis everyday. Often I fail and that's scary because I'd hate to look back and feel I wasted energy. But I suppose it's the awareness that counts most of all, and the intention to be thankful and appreciative.
I hope you are all healthy and happy and very, very far from any sad loss.
We have a friend with cancer as well. Recently, due to a leg injury, I spent several days on the sofa with my iPad, catching up on blogs. It was amazing how many of them had mentions of, and experiences with cancer. It seems when someone close has it, we become much more aware of it and the horrible possibilities that come with it. All a good lesson for appreciating the now I suppose.
ReplyDelete