Three Months In

Today marks exactly three months of Portland living.

We spent nearly one month in a furnished short-term sublet, and now two months in our lovely home rental. Looking at it that way, I absolutely cannot believe it has only been three months. Stepping off the plane feels like it was six months ago. Seems like we bought our car four months ago. For all that we've done, seen, and learned, it is remarkable it's only been three months.

I love Portland. Without getting too sappy and long-winded, it feels like I've come home. Home to a city, a state, a corner of the US I've never lived in, and rarely visited. Perhaps it's because I dreamed of this for so long. Maybe it's self-fulfilling. I decided Portland was where I wanted to be, I made it happen, and I suppose there's a risk that I'm making myself find the home in all of it. But I don't think so.

Portland is so much more and so much less than what I expected. It is just as charming, green, bike-covered, and full of organic food as I expected and wished. It's more neighborhood-y than I could have dreamed of. And I love neighborhoods! The people here are stunningly friendly. Hawaii hangs its hat on "aloha" and the warmth of its people...if there was ever a contest for friendliness and genuine warmth, Portland would knock out Hawaii in mere seconds!

What I didn't expect (purely for lack of research and awareness) was that Portland would be so industrial. Clearly I knew it sat on a river. I had imagined the riverfront would be beautiful and full of public access. Somehow I wasn't aware of all the industrial bridges, the trains, the barges of wheat being filled on the river. Guess what? I love it! I'm not sure any of you know but I am crazy for bridges. I love industry in action. In San Francisco I used to dream of visiting the Oakland port with all the shipments coming and going. So I find this all fascinating in this relatively small town that is know for being "green." To be fair, it's sort of disturbing. There are clearly pollution issues. In some parts of the city you can smell the steel work - it gives me an instant migraine. The railroads still define neighborhoods as safe and not-so-safe.

Moving is always a painful process. It's exciting and thrilling in the newness and the exploration of it all. But finding your way, making friends, and establishing that sense of "home" take a very long time and really can hurt as you bump along the road.

I've met some wonderful people that I hope will grow to be true friends. Bryan hasn't made as many friends. Men and women make friends in very different ways. And Bryan has been working. I haven't.

Not having work may be one of the hardest parts about this move for me. About 50% of the time I love the freedom I have and I carry the faith that I will find the right job for me. By the way, I am very actively looking. The other 50% of the time I feel anxious and let the rejections and the unanswered emails affect my self esteem. It seems to me it's like jumping out of an airplane with a parachute. I had no problem jumping out of the plane. I willing and eagerly packed up our life in Hawaii and booked one-way tickets to Portland. And I jumped. Now that I'm falling, I have plenty of time to think "holy shit, I'm falling! What the hell was I thinking? How will I land safely on the ground?" And I can look up at the plane and realize I can't really go back. So I try to enjoy the fall. I'm blinding floating, hoping a beautiful parachute opens above me and that my feet gently hit the ground. Here's hoping I don't have a crash landing!

It's all in the name of pursuing a dream. And the last three months have been pretty dreamy.

Of course, what comes next is fall and winter. And a whole lot of gray days. So I'll keep you posted if I discover cracks in this pretty picture we moved into.